Negotiation: The Game of Life

Negotiation: The Game of Life

This is the first in a 12 part series on negotiation by Jim Crenshaw

CEO of the Crown Jack Group.

Negotiation is a part of every day life. Every day we are faced with differences, conflicts and relationships that need some sort of adjustment. Negotiation is the energy of almost any relationship. It can be positive or negative depending on how it is handled. For everyone from a small child to the oldest adult, life is about influencing others. It could be a client, a staff member or someone at the IRS. We are always trying to get others to agree with us. Whenever you are behaving this way, you are playing the game of negotiation. With that in mind always remember that the worst person you can negotiate for is always yourself. This is true with just about everyone. Our emotional involvement in the process of negotiation limits are abilities in other areas in which we would normally excel. We tend to care too much about the issue and it clouds our ability to see issues from all sides.

This lesson came to me very early in life when selling a business. It was a business I started at the ripe old age of 25 and at 35 the opportunity to cash out presented itself. My valuation of the business was somewhat higher than the offering price of my prospective buyers. I of course was the lead person on my team. The team consisted of a long time mentor, my CPA and my attorney. I of course was leading the negotiations because who knew more and was more business savvy than my team? Never mind that they had a combined 77 years of experience. You can see where this is going, can’t you?

I was upset because my team was not giving me a set path or structure. They kept telling me to relax and see what happens. Relax…are you kidding me? So obviously they needed me to structure the sale. What I should have been doing was holding back and trying to find out from them why the other party thought their offer was fair. I needed to understand their point of reference. We have all heard this before “your price is too high.”

Well the back and forth went on for several weeks and finally a meeting was called. About 45 minutes into the meeting, my counsel called for a break and I was escorted into the hallway. I was informed that if I did not allow my team to lead the meeting they were going to step down. This came as a shock to me to say the least. However, it was exactly what was needed. They informed me that I was the problem, and that if I wanted to sell the business I needed to step away from the table. I was to emotionally involved to be affective.

I walked back into the conference room and informed my prospective buyers that my input was no longer needed and the rest of negotiations would be up to my legal counsel and my CPA. I told my prospective buyers that they had full power to negotiate both the sale price and terms. With that we all shook hands and I left the building. I did not wait in the lobby or hover outside. I left the building completely. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Oddly enough without my involvement the sale went quickly and smoothly, and it was a better deal than was expected for me.

The problem was that I cared too much to have enough detachment from the sale. Detachment is very important for success. In sales we call it the ability to take the deal off the table and walk away. For those that have been through our sales training it is known as the “take away.”

Negotiation involves dealing with or managing conflict. There are really 3 ways to deal with conflict, they are:

1. Avoid—If you can see it coming and know that you either don’t want to deal with it or don’t care to any longer deal with that person then you simply choose not to play the game.
2. Diffuse—Address the issue in advance if possible to keep it from becoming worse.
3. Confront—Find an alternative solution where both parties can gain from the exchange.

However, when negotiating think in terms of addition, not subtraction and you will have more positive results. Don’t think of the person across the desk as your adversary. Try to realize that this will not even be a drop in the bucket of your life. It is great to care, but try not to care too much.

This is the first in a 12 part series on negotiation by Jim Crenshaw CEO of the Crown Jack Group, an international sales and marketing consultancy firm. You may contact Jim at jim@crownjackgroup.com

or 214-550-0526. Part two will be in our July 30^th, 2009 newsletter as well as posted here on my blog.